fading away...

Sigh... I never thought it would end this way.

Memmories. It's all I have left. Maybe it was my fault or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. How do i explain it. It's so simple but why does it seem so complicated? How can i forget the past month and a half?

It's just that i've never had someone who knows me like you do. This feelings like no other...

We built it up to watch it fall. Like we meant nothing at all. I gave and gave the best of me, but couldn't give you what you need. You walked away. You stole my life. Just to find what you were looking for but no matter how i try i can't hate you anymore. You're not the person you used to be. The one i want who wanted me. And that's a shame but there's only so many tears i can cry before it drains the light right from my eyes. And i can't go on that way. And so i'm letting go of everything we were but that doesnt mean it doesn't hurt..

Sometimes you hold so tight it slips right through your hands. Will I ever understand? An empty room can be so defeaning, the silence makes you want to scream. It drives you crazy.

Watch my life pass me by in the mirror. Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer. I don't want to waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes. Because i want you and I feel you. Crawling underneath my skin. Like a hunger like a burning to find the place i've never been. Now i'm broken and i'm faded. I'm half the person I thought I would be. But you can have what's left of me. I've been dying inside, little by little. No where to go, but going out of my mind in endless circles. Running from my self until, you give me a reason for standing still. I'm falling faster. Barely breathing. Give me something, to believe in. Tell me it's not all in my head.

Don't think I can ever stop. I can't help the way i'm feeling. My heart can't stop from breaking. I can't stop loving you.

My heart's filled with such emotion. You're the reason for the air I breathe. I pledge to you all my devotion. I've never been so close to heaven, as the moment when I looked into your eyes. But now all that's gone and im left with the memory... I can't help it. I'm Sorry...

Sigh...

Life jus hit an unexpected turn..don't know whats happening now..for better or for worse? sometimes I feel depressed for no reason then times when im so unusually happy I start dancing..i guess its just life..

She just sat there staring out of her window, watching life pass her by. Not knowing what she was yet to overcome. She let her hand out to feel the rain against her skin wishing it would wash away her past. wishing.. Wishing she was a child again nestled in her mother's arms longing to hear the words "it'll be alright".

She had too much time. Too much time to think. Too much to time to remember her past hurts and wishing things could be different. Staring at her four walls. Trapped. In a world so cruel. Crying and letting her wounds heal. No one could see the depth of her dispair wishing desperately that someone would actually care.

She thought about the past, about him... Thinking back to the time she loved him. When the world was a much brighter place and her burdens weren't so heavy. Special. Lying in his arms forgetting the world. Protected from all the cruelty of the world surrounding her. Thinking back to the time when he was beside her, holding her hand. Lifting her up when she didn't have enough strength to stand. An emotional oneness shared by two hearts... Something. That made life worth living. Something that made her world complete.

As he walked away.. her burdens grew heavy more than she could bare. Her life had no purpose and now she sits there staring out her window watching the world pass her by..

Wierd isn't it?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life . . . You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness. So simple a phrase like " maybe we should just be friends" turns into a glass splinter working its way to your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Maybe that's why it's easier to hate someone than to love them. . .